Don't worry about a thing.

I have to be strong. I need to be strong. When no one else understands, I have to depend on myself to be strong. I have had enough of crying. I have had enough of all the heartaches. I have had enough of thinking of the what ifs and what could have been.

I have to be calm. I need to be calm. I can't let emotions control me. I need to be in charge of the things that are happening now. He doesnt get it, no matter how much I have tried. He doesn't get the fact that I need assurance. Not his hugs and quick kisses. I wanted to be a friend but its not possible. I don't think that can ever happen. I need to run away. I need to be away from all these. That's how I can move on.

I'm just waiting for the right moment. I still need to earn. I can go now but I would need to answer to my family why the sudden quit when they know I'm happy with what I do. I have to factor all these. I need to be rational. If I follow what my heart desires, I would have gone by now.
He doesnt understand. I hope he would let me go and not make it difficult for me. I still need to live. I'm 25 and I don't wanna be upset overt trivial love matters. There are other things I need to be worried about.

Even if I leave, he still has someone else. He won't care, it doesn't matter. He has someone to fall back on. So I'm at the losing end. I'm trying to reason things out here. I'm happy because he wants me to be. I have to get a life. He is not the one for me. He is married and I am not. He loves someone else but I don't love anyone else. He wanted me to be his second one. Hahaha. Absurd. Ridiculous. But he can argue and tell me that I knew what I was getting into in the first place. Hahaha. I knew of course. Yes I know all that. But he should know this too. He should know why I get moody most of the times.

Oh well. I will just go with the flow. Maybe play along with all these since it's hard to fight it. Love, what does it matter? Infidelity is on the rise anyway. Real love just doesnt exist anymore. Not in this era. Since he wants me to go with it, I say why not? Pain, what does it matter?
It doesn't matter to me anymore. Love, pain. That's my fate. To be in this situation. Well at least I'm not committed to anything. I can do and go anywhere as I please. I don't have to be tied down. But probably when he needs me and I need him, we will be there physically. So that's the bright side.

So I say, go with this until I find the right time. =) I shall not post anything about him anymore. Because like I said I have other things to be worried about.