The List.

Friday.
Here are the things that I want to do and might probably do during the weekends:
1.)Wake up late on saturday,have a super good rest.
2.)Sleep again
3.)And oh ya,continue sleeping
4.)Make plans,go out,have dinner or supper,chill around,think about the future
5.)Go home,sleep again.
6.)Work on Sunday.
7.)MIGHT start editing my project.
8.)Oh,maybe TV.
9.)Make stupid jokes with my sister.
10.)And pls refer to points 2 and 3.

Basically,thats the gist of it.About the current phase that I am going through.
But I believe its not going to be like this forever because I know I am going to be an established career woman sometime in the future.So until then,I would have to go through hardship in order to be in the TOP 10 of the most successful woman below the age of 40.HAHA.

I am in a chirpy mood today.
HAHA!

Flashy.

I have been good today.Did some research on flash animation,was impressed by some of them but since this school of mine is a miser,I can't start doing it just yet because,apparently,Flash 8 is needed to create most of the nice animations.So,there is no Flash 8 installed here,only the old version which is the MX Professional.

Now my leisure time at home would be taken up to do all these.
Such stupidity.

Not straight.

Frankly speaking,I have nothing to blog about although I actually have things to share,I choose not to because my fingers are doing its job without thinking.I am actually not thinking right now,just typing this out to waste these few minutes that I have left.I might potray myself as being senseless and stupid but oh well,think all you want because its only now that i dont't give a flying fuck what you are actually thinking because I,myself,am not thinking straight.So yeah whatever.
But I repeat,its only now that I don't give a two cents worth on what is in your mind.After this entry is done,I will get depressed if anyone were to call me a dumbass.Yeah I am that useless hopelessly sensitive,so call me whatever you want now,and be quick because this is going to end.
To whoever that is reading this,you people are the most intelligent people on earth.Because I know there are only two of them and you both know who you are.
Thanks for the time,you two can go to bed now.I will see you two in the secret garden in my dreams.

And right now,I am thinking of that dream,how silly but yet delightful it was.
Shall not think about it now because it is time for me to get the hell out of the hell here.

HAAAAAAA.

yaaaaaaaa.

It was a decent weekend(not that I often have indecent weekends haha.)The reason being,me and my sister actually went out with our two 'not so young' cousins,haha,on Saturday.So I was practically their driver,fetching them here and there and head to the various destinations.

And we had sushis at Sakae Sushi for dinner.Although we had to wait for about 40 minutes just to get a place,it was all worth it.Of course,I sat beside the conveyor belt and I had the honour to pick all the sushis i wanted.All kinds.Haha.

Then we went to Arab Street to meet Yanty and friends.And bla bla bla.
Was working on Sunday and then met the boys at night.

And I am getting tired,so when this happens,I stop typing.
Hahaaaa.

Willl be backkkkkkk.....yaaa.

No Red Bull

Another half an hour,and I am famished.

Yes,thats all.
No food,no energy.
HAHA.
So yaaaa.

Appeal

Just to make matter worst,I lost the appeal format letter that I really need to refer so that I could write one to the Director of this school.

I do not know where I placed it and due to my absent-mindedness, I would have to write on my own because I am afraid to ask for another one from my supervisor.I am sure she is going to nag at me if i confessed my stupidity to her.

Haha,but things are getting much better now for me,as I realised that this is not the end of the world.And I am not going to be like that girl who cried until her face was swollen and then go home(she might prolly do something unwise)

So ya,things are really looking up to me and I only have myself to blame.

And I appreciate for that comfort you provided.
Oh you know yourself.

jfjdsfjdasf.

This has been one of the most suckiest mornings and I don't wish to elaborate on it.

I have disappointed myself again with my results,and I do not have any choice but to suck it up now.

Just to soothe myself,I kept saying this - There's always a blessing in disguise.
If so,can you stop disguising,and show me what lies beneath that mask?
Please.

Aha!

Yeay!(not trying to act cute whatsoever,haha) I have finalised on my template and I must say its pretty.Haha.To me,that is.I am quite happy with it actually,so I am not going to think twice and change it again.Because I just might do that.But NO!

So,I have added the contents and everything but not the graphics because I don't have it yet.I must take pictures of the hard disk and not steal it from the website(its something to do with copyright or something like that.Whatever.)

I am quite pleased now,so let me bask in these few moments of pleasure and congratulate myself.
Haha.

Warming up.

Such a beautiful day it is,and I wish I could make full use of it instead of sitting here right before the computer,typing about random things.
Results are out tomorrow and I am petrified.I don't show it but YES I am.
Have so much to do today,I would have to finalise on my template and by tomorrow I could really do the content,add some graphics,beautify the animations and there I am all set.
But if I don't procrastinate today,I might just be able to do all that.
Haha.

I'll be back.

Hmm.

I know I have been blogging excessively but I seriously can't help it.The atmosphere is so dead here and I need something to release all these inner tensions I possess so I guess blogging is something therapeutic for me.I don't know.Whatever.
I do not know what else to do with my project because I have done as much as I could and I am just waiting for my supervisor to give feedbacks.
Truthfully,I am not satisfied with it because compared to other companies' website,mine is completely nothing.An amateur,they might say.But I am trying to add things here and there just to give some spice.Ugh.
I miss my handphone and I could only get it back on Wednesday.Such incompetence.Telling me that the stock isn't there and all that.Blah blah.
Haha.
Well,on a brighter note,I have got 4 hours and 20 minutes to go.So that isn't bad at all.
Am just thinking now,how to waste those few hours away...

Monday

Maybe the things that I really need are right here before my eyes.I tend to look beyond that and hoping that I would get what I want.
Maybe its not about what I want,maybe its more than that.

I have been too selfish but yet I like the way things are.
What am I feeling?
Honestly,I do not know.

Oh,I guess its just Monday Blues.

The weekend.

What a confusing weekend!
But I am just enjoying the ride,for now.

My mind is already set and I am not going to let anything get in the way.
Time will tell.

Ugh.Back to school tomorrow,but strangely,I am excited.
Haha.

Oh my.

Oh yes,i forgot.My spectacles actually fell from the 5th level to the 2nd level(don't have to know how,its silly).
And it miraculously survived.
So I have come to a conclusion:
My spectacles is more reliable than my dumbass handphone.
Idiot.

Oh mandy,oh mandy.

About half an hour ago,a girlfriend,D,showed me a poetry given by a guy she is in aquaintance with.And the funny part is that it is in malay.Haha.I spent a few good minutes reading it and trying to comprehend every word that was meticulously handwritten.Not that i'm trying to humour the Malay language but somehow I felt like laughing at the ridiculity of it all.
Haha.Maybe because I did not feel the exact way she felt when reading it.And I can't remember what it was about.Something like,'Whenever he takes a step forward,she will take two steps backward",and try to translate that in Malay.Haha.
I should try to feel it,shouldn't I?
D is such the girl-next-door kinda girlfriend and I enjoy talking to her despite the fact that she speaks very softly.
And she let me listen to her malay songs,I told her maybe i should start listening to all the slow soppy malay songs too(yeah right,haha.)

But I shall not be bad,afterall I am a nice person.Haha.
What do you think?
:)

5300

I do not have the mood whatsoever to talk about my handphone.Just looking at it now is really heartbreaking.Silly me,for putting it in my back pocket while playing the game 'Twister' yesterday and so yes,shit happens,I fell down on my butt and so...ugh.Seriously,ahh!

Never mind about that,I shall go down to Nokia Service Centre later and they better do something about it.This is such a bummer.

I have to get over this soon because it is useless looking at it,I do not have the magic powers to 'cure' it.AARGH!

Ok,now i MUST stop scrutinising the handphone screen because I am so tempted to just throw the handphone on the floor.

I can't stand imperfections,really.

After Lunch Treat

Back from lunch,and I'm all set to continue my project.Had prata,and it was delicious.Tried cheese prata and it was extra delicious.Haha.Have got to eat that tomorrow.

And now thinking about the BBQ organised by Starbucks-US,I am dreading to go.I am just too lazy to socialise with people whom I find very hard to communicate with.They all speak the same language and I do not understand it most of the times.Their jokes are not to my liking,their actions are not what I was brought up to comprehend.
I can only relate to some of them,a meagre amount though.Maybe I should try to join in their small talks and get to know them better.
What I have I got to lose right?

Speaking about communication,I do not get it why people talk using funny words.They alter words here and there(specifically Malay language)and at the end of every sentence,the word 'Sial' MUST be inserted.Is it really neccessary at all?I understand that expressing anger with that word is acceptable.But not when you do it after every few seconds.
Complete idiot.
And another thing about spelling-since when is the word 'YOU' suddenly became 'EUU'.
Seriously,even if you want to show the cuter side of yourself,please do not annoy me.

Goodness,someone enlighten me on this,please.

P.S:Should check out the song 'Way back into love' by Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore.
It is beautiful,I promise.

On my own

Here is the thing that i realised yesterday while i was on my way home:
I do not need other people to complete me.
I am the master of my own decisions,my own life.

In the end,I have got to face God alone.

A friend in need,is a friend indeed

Friends are there when you are so high above,so in control of your life,so extremely happy but where are they when you are down and out,when you are on your knees emotionally unstable,begging for anyone to just come and give you a listening ear,I ask again where the fuck are they?

I am not generalising my friends here,but what hani mentioned in her blog is definitely true.I have quite a small amount of close friends and I love them to bits.What really bothered me is that this particular friend of mine.A friendship I cherish has soured over a short period of time,over that night I had no control of.Yes,truth be told,M,was there for me whenever i needed someone to pour my heart out,but does friendship really measure the amount of help that is given?
Does friendship mean that you can just ignore when they,for one night,become so uncivilised?
Does friendship really mean nothing at the end of the day?
Does friendship dictate all that?

M can tell me how M is always helping people,how M is always the middle person,and how heartless M can be.But for whatever reasons,M,should have never said those things in the blog.
It has brought me down so low,and it has just destroyed everything.

And,now,let me move on and just be contented with the fine little things that I have.
I have lost my faith in M,and that can never be retrieved.

Hani,thank you,for accompanying me yesterday.You cracked me up and I love you for all the times you made me laugh and see me for who I really am.
Thanks again for all that years of friendship, and nothing can ever beat that.

A very good day

Early morning,and I would have to stare at the computer yet again.I am getting used to the routine though,so it is not that bad actually.But I am sleepy(what's new right?).
Well,at least Justin is here to accompany this morning of mine with his incredibly sexy voice.Haha.

I feel so much better today.Like nothing can stop me from smiling today.Haha.And there is this chinese girl,S, sitting on my left,who will immediately turn to look at me whenever I am looking at her way.The funny thing is that I am not sure if she is really looking at me,because her right eye says otherwise(oh,if you know what i mean).But she is nice so I can't say anything much.

And another friend of mine in this lab confided in me about her relationship with her boyfriend she has been with for 7 years.The first thing i said "You are really a patient girlfriend",because somehow i reflected her story to mine.So she told me about everything,about how and why she quarrelled with her boyfriend and its funny how she managed to say something good about him at the end of every sentence.The only thing bad she commented about him is that he is hot-tempered(i mean,who is not right?)Although sometimes she wants to end it,she holds back.Maybe its the years they have been together or maybe she just loves him.
So i asked her next,"Do you see yourself with him for a very long time?"and she hesistated.
Her reply after a few seconds,"If God is willing to let us be together,then yes."

I pondered about that and stopped after a few minutes after telling myself not to bother about these frivolous things.I am not going to be emotionally involved because the last time I did that,I got myself distracted.

So yesterday's dinner was fabulous.So was my family.Haha,it was a farewell dinner before my brother starts to serve the nation in Pulau Tekong this thursday.Everyone was talking about bringing lots of underwears and stuffs along that line.Haha.I turned to my sister and said"Finally he is going". But oh,I am going to miss him nevertheless.
Mom was talking non-stop as usual.The longest she held her silence was 27 seconds.Thanks to my sister who actually timed it.
But it was a good dinner,after our stomachs were so filled,we left.

And yes,my brother taught me how to do this thing with the car.You accelerate to 4 or 5 RPM and realease the clutch immediately.And there would be a screeching sound.
Yeay!I am definitely going to try that.

Such a good day for me!

P.S:I had a funny dream yesterday night.
:)

ha!

Today is the start of a new week and I hope it would be a great one.

Thanks Khai,for really making me see things so much clearer.It was a breather going out with you and whoever doubts his good intentions is a total moron.He is such a good friend,the best of any kind,a good listener,more of a brother figure to me.

Now,emotions distract me and i shall proceed with a much better focus.
After all,things don't get to me easily.

Just fuck it.

Weakness

I need a holiday to fine tune my emotions.
Because right now,I do not know what I feel anymore.

It is too deep a cut,too numb to register the pain.

Oh what the hell,times like this make me vulnerable,
and I detest it.

Tomorrow shall be better.
Have a good Saturday!

Something Random

Random notes keep falling out your mouth.
And how I wish it was something else..

Music and lyrics was adorable.
So was Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore.
And so was everything else...

Today is his 20th birthday.
It is bringing everything back.
The bittersweet moments.
And all the pretty things..

When you get what you want but not what you need.
I am still contemplating.
Still am trying ..

Maybe it is better to be discreet.
So things are going to be much easier.
Secrets are better left untold..

Why do you have to be so cute?
It is impossible to ignore you..

Life itself is beautiful.
I am living it..

Sisterly Love

There are times when you feel so low that you look for someone to confide in.And when you have found that right someone,you start to pour your feelings out,knowing that he or she would just listen to your endless rantings and just be there emotionally and physically.
You would feel so much better after letting it all out from your system and appreciate the person who has been there to witness your down moments.

And I have been blessed.
Because I have a sister who is always there for me.Who will be the first to make me laugh,to make me forget my worries,to actually make me love myself.Whenever I feel that I want to be alone or run away to some unknown island to be on my own,she is the reason i stall those very ideas.She keeps me rooted,and all she does is to tell me some silly happenings of the day,or ridiculous jokes,and I would laugh gleefully.I do not have to tell her how sad I am,or how worried i am about many things,or how sometimes I would retreat to the past and start tearing up,she would silently know and make me laugh again.
No one can ever do that.No one can make me feel so good,so assured.She is the only person in my life I feel most comfortable in my own skin.I can be myself,I can say all the silly things and she would always laugh it off with me.
She is my best friend,the best sister anyone could ever ask for.And no one can ever take that bond I have with her away from me.

I love her,more than anything else in the world.

Ugh.

Sighs.I am not trying to be whiny here or anything but seriously i want my break now.I need it.I have been yawning since God-Knows-When.And i need to stretch myself,i need to give my bum some fresh air.
The reason that we are being held from going for our break is stupidly because some visitors are coming and they are going to be walking around the lab.And so,we are forced to entertain them by physically being here infront of the computers,doing our work.By doing that,we are giving them a whole lot of reasons to be overjoyed.Assholes.
I am so tired.So tired of everything.So tired of doing this project.So tired of thinking whenI could actually complete it.So tired of thinking what to do in life.So tired of thinking i'm a loser.So tired of taking everything so easily.
The only thing that can take my mind off things now is driving.Strangely though,I love the rush.I love the thought that i'm in control of everything.I love to be lost in my own thoughts when I'm driving.And sometimes I am not cautious of the road.But I love that adrenaline rush,when I step on the accelerator hard without thinking(i went 140 once).Maybe I should start living dangerously.Who knows,I might love it.

Oh i'm going for break now.
Yeay!