The cry in the mourn.

Sudden flashbacks and thoughts and bittersweet memories have motivated me into writing this entry.About the love lost,gained,friendships shattered,renewed and found.
Before you know it,the year is coming to an end.

Fairytales, rainbow of seven colours,the light at the end of the tunnel.All of them have beginnings and happy endings.
But it is not done just yet.

There are things I have done this year that I regret.How one wishes that he or she could turn back the time and had taken a different path.I could whine and grimace and I know it is never going to change things,so therefore I only regret,I am not sorry.I was never and I am not.
People falter,I falter.I was lost in the moment and in that I learnt and found my way out.
I picked myself up after I fell but the wound is still there.Its invisible but dear oh dear ,you just never know its healing within.

I have lost some good friends but they say [when one door closes,the other opens].But for my case,[one door is slightly ajar,and the other is wide open].
I have not lost them completely but I have lost touch.Maybe I have lost myself.I got lost trying to find them.Or maybe I was hiding when they are looking for me.Maybe just maybe.
I remember them but sadly I think they dont.Maybe all these while I am finding excuses to blame myself but what if,in the end afterall,i am not to be blamed.
What if they are the ones who abandoned me?

You see,friendships to me are important.It is essential and needed.I do not have to have lots of friends but a few good ones would be really wonderful.

(continuation from yesterday)
And then I have nothing more to write.My inspiration has been sucked out by my acute boredom.The silence at crowne plaza plaza now has drained my thinking capacity.
To think that I am actually paid for this.
How fabulous.

My wonderful leisure day.

Today is the third and the last of my off days.And to think about working,going back to the same routine tomorrow evening is no fun.I hate working,no matter how interesting my job seems to others,or how much free time i am privelleged,I still dread it.I dread the long and straight journey to work.I dread the unfriendly colleagues i am going to meet,and most of all i dread the loneliness i sometimes face due to my lack of social skills.
Now then,why in the world did i get this job as a customer service officer,knowing jolly well that i do not know how to interact well?
Well,shit does happen sometimes.

However,I do not regret getting this job.I enjoy the perks of it.I enjoy the random off days because its something you look forward to and it can happen on any day.The uniform cuts half of the time getting ready,cos you dont have to sit on the bed and stare at the pathetic collection of clothes that you own,and then pick one of it to wear after a good half an hour.

I have nothing much to complain anyway(except for the occassional foot aches,thanks to the heels),and even if i do,there is nothing in which all the grumbles and whinings can do since im bound by two bloody years.

So I would have to suck it up and hope that the two years would pass as quickly as when you are having fun,etc:my off days.

BIG BIG BIG DOUBLE TRIPLE SIGH!

It sweeps right through...

I love being alone.I dont have to act nice,I dont have to succumb into doing favours for anyone and best of all,I get to do things that no one can see.I can entertain my own thoughts,I can sit and stare at my handphone for as long as I want.No one will ask neither will they think i'm pathetic.

I am single now,I should be happy I am free.
I SHOULD.But am i really?
Now,don't get me wrong.I am happy.Like I said,I can do anything I want to.I can just refuse to go out if I dont have the mood or I can lie to my friends im sick or busy or simply tired.
Maybe the reason why I think I am not happy is because I am lonely.
At times.Like now.
Therefore,this is the time I have to and NEED to overcome this loneliness on my own.
The irony of it.
Overcoming loneliness alone.

I am alone,yes,but i still have my tv,my cigarettes and myself with me.
So nothing else matters,anyway.

plain jane.

I am not in a proper state of mind.Ask me why.
then again,dont.For i have no answers to anything at all.
These past couple of weeks have been crazy.Mental.I shall not disclose anything first,because that will take the fun out of everything,my bland words are not going to do any justice at all.

The descriptions of my temporary escapades are BEYOND ordinary plain words.
Enough said.
And a cute haircut at that.

the earthy rainy mood.

It is raining cats and dogs now,my all time favourite weather.
How can anyone not love rain?
It makes you so comfortable,so snuggly,and the smell just reminds you of how beautiful the world is.Whenever it rains,i have the tendency to curl up on my bed with my cushy pillows and just smile.Not doing anything,but just smile.I feel like a little girl all over again.
And then I will look out of the windows,ill just imagine myself standing there on the road spinning myself,looking up at the gloomy sky and grin.A wide wide grin.
I love rain,it has the effect of making you feel loved and needed and wanted.Its like you know there is someone out there enjoying the rain and feeling the exact same thing.You will never feel frustrated or irritated at the slightest thing that gets on your nerves when its hot and sunny and humid.Rain never does that to me,or anyone for that matter.(i hope it applies to all too.)

Today is such a pretty pretty day.
I am meeting my girlfriends later and some random people.
I cant wait to see those girls,those girlies who are going to make my day even more wonderful than it already is.

And come Sunday,i am off to Taman Negara.I mean WE are off.You know who you are.
I am ecstatic.No,thats an understatement.
I am sooo excited plus that nervous feeling,'its-gonna-be-a-hell-out-of-adventure-i-cant-sleep-i just-want-sunday-to-come-quickly' kinda feeling.But maybe i'm over-exaggerating.
Oh what the hell.

I thank God for my happiness,my friends and everything that I need.

Now,I shall get ready,and smell nice for my girls.