Gravity Rides Everything.

I seriously would like to think that the reason you did not wish me anything on my birthday yesterday is because you still can't find it in the corners of your heart to forgive me rather than you actually forgetting that it was my birthday. But whatever it is, both the former and the latter reasons, make me realise that it is actually time for me to eradicate the last three and a half years of memories shared with you. Backspace the events and destroy it in the recycle bin.
WELL this was what i wanted anyway. To begin with, i ALSO did not wish you anything on your birthday because (well i had my silly reasons).
And if that was the third reason you did not text me, oh well, then its time for me to doubt your maturity.

I dreamt of you after sahur,and in that dream of mine, we met up. We talked about some random things and and then we held hands. I took a glance at you, and putting my pride aside, i hugged you tight. You whispered to me that you loved me, and i smiled replying the same thing too.
And funny, it just ended there.

But I digress.

I had an amazing bday celebration yesterday. With my 3 very best friends and my incredible sister celebrating with me on my special day, i feel like nothing else matters in the world.
And that was all i needed and asked for.

I made a wish before blowing the candles on the dark chocolate sumptuous brownies.
Among other things i wished for, I wished for your happiness.
And for once, please Dear God, grant me that very one wish.

I am looking forward to Saturday, because then everything will fall right into place.:)

You said move on, where do I go?

" You're like an indian summer in the middle of winter, like a hard candy with a surprise center"
And that song is stuck in my head ever since this morning.
My lips have subtly turned blue due to the extreme low temperature in the office, and my hands are numb making it a challenge for me to write.
Fasting while working in this cold condition is extremely hard, not that i am complaining about anything. Its just that time seems to stand still and even if it does progress, it does ever so slowly. I refuse to look at the time on the bottom right of the screen, lest i would be disappointed with the digits i see. But, when I do ocassionally glance, it saddens me.

It amazes me on how strong my immune system is. With this kind of icelandic temperature(feels like im living in an igloo), I am not surprised if i ever do fall sick. Well,thanks to my immune system then for fighting off the bad viruses that,i believe, has invaded my body every now and then. If only I could trade it to a super high metabolism,wont that be nice?

Tommorrow is 26 August 09. I love birthdays. Just not mine this year.

Chicken pau now,tomorrow have to puasa liao.

Oh no no no no no.
Tomorrow is the start of the fasting month, the month of Ramadan. I am quite anxious about it but then again, I am not prepared at all. I do not know if the reasons I am fasting is solely because its the norm for Muslims to do so or I really want to do it because it is one of the pillars of Islam.
In Islam law, there are five pillars in which we, who are religiously abiding or just conforming to the religion because we are born to it, have to abide.

And you know what else, go and find for yourself what are the five pillars.
Okla i wanna eat my pau.

And aifah,please.
BE STRONG!

I have not been good this year.

It is my birthday next week and strangely i am not looking forward to it, the very first time i am not hyped about my special day.
This year's bday,to me, is like any other ordinary day.
Is it because i am getting older?
or is it because i know i wont receive a present that i want so badly?

I have called up Sakura International Buffet and reserved a place for the 29th of August.
And the only present that i am wishing for is you.
I am not asking you to come,because i know you won't.

It is just nice wishing for something you won't get.

Then again, my bestest friends will be there no matter what.
I am contented enough.:)

There is a girl in my mirror.

I really do not know what to do to forget things. I have tried to keep myself busy with my daily activities. Talked and laughed with friends but these unhappy emotions still do not want to go away.
How does anyone do it?
Should i meet and make new friends?
Go on random dates?
Do other interesting activities?
Stay away from everyone?
Pray?
I am really sad. I cant even face myself. After all, I am thought as a happy person, a person who shivers when listening to friends talking about mushy stuffs.
I am like that,but the irony of it, i wanna feel like that. I wanna feel that i am needed in someone's life,like i am loved. I wanna receive love notes, i wanna hear those lovely sincere words from someone.
I feel like i am betraying myself, i have no idea how i became like this.
I want to cry so bad,but i know i can't. So many reasons why i would have to hold my tears everytime.
I tell myself everyday to be strong, to look forward to finer things. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be.
I am embarassed,with myself. With friends i am surrounded with.
With you i am still holding on to.

Its the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you.

Dear Crazy thoughts,

Could you please kindly find your way out of my mind?
You are seriously driving me crazy. I need to wake up to a beautiful morning thinking about my life rather than yours.
So please. I am exhausted,you are everywhere in the spaces of my mind,you are just filling it up.
Let my other thoughts have the space to play. Do not hog them,be thoughtful of others.

I am begging you to go away. Please.
Helplessly asking you crazy thougts to disappear.
I am not entitled to do anything about it,
so please go.

Yours,
The carrier of crazy thoughts.

Wishing tree.

Too much,too little words posessed to describe the fine details of the happenings last weekend.
I can safely say that it was one of the best weekends ever this year.
The smell of sweat and bbq smoke,the taste of deliciously marinated chicken and burnt hotdogs,the perfect homely cooked bee hoon and the spicy squid,oh and the creamy rich sinful sumptuous cupcakes(I AM CRAVING FOR THAT NOW!),and the beatiful people who came to ravish all the food,the steak and the marshmallow,the wine and the beers,they are just too wonderful to be forgotten.
We talked under the starless sky,by the quiet pool,laughed too loud in the wee hours of saturday morning.
Took alot of awesome pictures on our nation's b'day.We went to the railtracks and then to Mount Faber to catch the fireworks at night.
We were happy,we were really.
Maybe i will upload the pictures here for myself to see,for my future self to reminisce.

But in all that happiness and laughter and sweat(been really hot over the weekend),i wish you were there.
Secretly,I wished.

Then again,wishes dont come true that easily.
And why is that so,I wonder.

Pear Glace.

I feel so tired today,like what I really need now is the beach,the sand the clear blue skies,the untainted vast ocean,with the sound of waves crashing in while i lie on the colourful mat listening to Lenka or Jason Mraz or Britney Spears or Jack Johnshon or anything at all with a glass or lychee martini on my right side,a subway sandwich and a jumbo hotdog on my left together with my book,a funny chick lit book in which i can smile pretty underneath my beautiful framed shades allowing the sun to burn my skin till it stings and then closing the book for awhile to bask in the serenity of the island,shutting my eyes to pay attention to the rhythm of the beats being played at the bar harmonising with the gust of freshly scented wind telling myself that this is where i should be,where i should stay,where i should never leave.

Shallow Marshmallow

As it is, I am not smart. I try to be,though. Or rather, I act smart.
I can't stay focused on one subject,my attention span is pretty short actually.
Sometimes,when people talk to me, I do not know what to answer.
Cos most of the times, I am afraid they won't get me. I cant form a proper sentence neither in english,nor malay. I would use singlish to explain things,or to get a point across.
And when they dont understand me, I would say "NVM la". Effort is never made,too plain lazy?
Yes,probably.

I get interested in things easily, but also to lose it quickly. Lets say, I find the outerspace,the orion,the cluster of stars, the auroras, the history of mayan civilisation fascinating BUT that reading up on those things to feed my acute thirst for knowledge will last,say 5 minutes?

The thing is,i am shallow-minded (notice i didnt insert "quite or pretty" before shallow) because I know I am,sadly I have to raise the white flag and admit this.
I do not like to think,it exhausts me. I say and act without taking a good few seconds to think. Like a pencil which is not sharpened, I can,too, be considered that way. BLUNT.

I think simple,like all the preceding examplary entries i made, I use basic english words.
Nothing too hard,for you to copy paste the word and google it.

Henceforth, I am not deep. I dont understand poetries and the meanings behind it,although I understand art is subjective. Literature is not my forte, even if i love the subject so much,for me to say i suck at it.

So there,I am a dimwitted,not-so-bright-but-i-think-i-understand-you kinda girl.
Period.