Please wait.

There is not a day gone by that I didnt think about you.
Your presence so strong, I cant bear to ignore. Sometimes, when I think about your or the way you smile, I shut my eyes.
I imagine the day that you forget me,my name and my face,
I imagine how I would feel then.
The thought of you moving on,and going out with an unfamiliar face,and holding the hands of a stranger,irks me.
I should be happy,should not i be?
If that day were to happen,and you have found what you have been desiring all along, then why am not i even in the slightest contentment?

They say it gets easier everyday. They say alot of things too. They say i deserve better. They say he is not a good person. They say this and that. And i forced myself to believe it.
In fact I did believe then,and if you ask me now,I still do.

It is really getting easier,because I have adapted to the silence. I have made friends with myself,and I have started to trust in all the little things that create happiness.
But.
I miss you.
I miss all the secrets that we share, and I miss the late night jokes we tell.
I miss calling you, to tell you to watch a funny programme on tv.
I miss receiving your texts in the mornings, to merely tell me that you had hotdog for breakfast.
I miss your deary mother who had always made me feel like I was part of the family.
And above all that, I miss all the promises that we made for the future.

Funnily enough,I do not love you to an extent that I want to call you and tell you all these.
Or make my way to your place to seek your forgiveness.
Or do anything for that matter to make you mine again.

Perhaps.
Because I know,
that somewhere deep and within me,
I do not needyou as much.
I do not want to sacrifice all of my freedom now just yet,to be with you.
I do not want to deal with the fights, that come along with the comfort of being with you.

I am not ready to face the difficulty of being in a relationship. The setting aside of time and sacrificing of my interests, I am not likely to do all that now.
Because I cant promise that I will not hurt you again, I cant promise you happiness and the world.
Hence, I am trying to let you go for now.
I will look for you in time to come,when I can at least promise that i will make you sleep with a smile on your face every night.

I hope to God that you won't forget me, my name or my face by then.
Or creating a new life with another stranger,sharing secrets and telling jokes while walking down the streets.
Or holding her right hand when she is carrying her bag on the left.
Or telling that you love her, whispering to her that she is your life.

I will change for the better,
but maybe just not now.
Selfish as this may seem,
I am merely asking you to wait.