Letting Go

It is never easy to let go of something you have held on for a very long time. I have always believed that things will turn out good eventually and having believed that,I held on. At times, I doubted my very existence in the picture and felt that maybe it was time for me to raise the white flag. However,fear got the better of me and i was so afraid of the decision i was about to make. I did not want to regret my actions,and dwell on it a few months later.

But ,eventually i did it. It came to a point when i was actually brave enough to face the inevitably truth and that was i have had enough. I didn't mean for it to happen although i have taken much time to really ponder about the situation. The truth of the matter is that i couldn't bear the idea of depending on someone so much, the very idea of needing someone to make me complete. I have not been thinking on my own two feet because i have been too dependant. I needed my space badly, i needed time to be on my own and learn the perils of life without anyone to pick me up along the way. I got tired of everything, mentally exhausted and was so frustrated with myself. Maybe it was just space i needed. Maybe time on my own.

I have sacrificed a lot of things,friendship,family,and my own needed space. It struck to me yesterday,on how ignorant i was to the things around me. I didn't have the luxury to hang out with my friends back then,not even a weekend. I had no choice,really. I was quite saddened by the fact that i kept disappearing and not reviving the friendship that i have established long before. They were the ones i would turn to in times of need and somehow deep inside me,i felt a slight hurt. The time that i had with friends are,much to my own amazment,actually quite refreshing. There were no worries, not much wondering about the next possible fight or the time i should keep aside for that someone.

I am happy in my own way and am contented with it. But there are still times when i think of the past beautiful memories and how i wish it could have turned out differently. I am trying to let go of the past but it is not going to be easy. Every memory has a place in my heart and i am smiling at it instead of regretting it.

So cheers to a carefree life,for now!
:)